A STUDY OF

CHRISTIANITY AND THE HOME

#1 – THE HOME HAS CHANGED

      There is much about marriage and the family that is as changeless as "two plus two equals four." God saw that it was not good for man to be alone at the first, and so He gave him a wife. Does a normal man need a wife today? Surely he does! As the song says, “Man needs woman and woman needs her man.”

      Love -- marital and parental -- is as old as Adam and Eve, and will never change. It was Adam who said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh” (Gen 23, 24). Did God approve of this determination? Surely He did, or He would have recanted it! And so God decreed from the beginning that His desire was for “One man and one woman for one lifetime,” if being “joined” means “glued” permanently. Jesus apparently confirmed that this had not changed, and would not change, in his response to the Pharisees. (Mat. 19) Does not the phrase “from the beginning” usually to be understood to mean that this relationship was intended by the Creator to be permanent?

Influence Upon Character

      A good marriage is as important to the development of character as probably any other human relationship. Marriage counselors have proven this time and again. The apostle Peter ordained,

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation (lifestyle, personality) coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge (compassionate, intelligent, understanding) giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” (1Pe 3:1-7).

      Marriages are not made in Heaven, as is sometimes said, but good marriages are developed on earth over a period of time, when husbands grow in grace and knowledge and wives grow in grace in knowledge. Good marriages do not make themselves, they are the result of husbands and wives minding their vows and manners and the results will attest to their successful efforts. It is a common contention that “marriages succeed” or “marriages fail.” This is simply not true. It is the husband who fails, or the wife who fails, that causes the deterioration of the relationship. Someone has said, perhaps correctly so, that if we worked as hard making our marriage work as we worked to get married we would have a happier marriage.

      Good marriages, happy husbands and happy wives, will most often produce happy children. The happy husband and happy wife will produce a atmosphere of happiness that influences the character of the growing child. Human nature has not changed! Marriage as a source of comfort and security to the mind, body and spirit of the individuals involved is probably so great that it has no serious rival in the development of personality. (Will be discussed later.)

The Home Has Changed

      Yet, there have been significant changes in family life and style in modern times. We simply cannot ignore these changes.

      1. We can blame the “moving around” that so many families do. We can blame the moving from a rural to an urban culture -- more people living in bigger cities. Some 40 million people change their places of residence each year. That does not justify the turning away from God’s law of marriage and the family.

      2. We can blame the mothers who leave the home -- homemakers -- who now feel they have to go out into the labor market for whatever reason. The obvious in most cases -- although certainly not all -- is to help the family make a living, or at least a more comfortable living. I'm told that at present over 50% of the labor force in America is made up of women, millions of whom are mothers with children under 18 years of age. Children are left in nurseries or kindergartens or to sitters, and unfortunately, many to roam the streets until the work day ends. That does not justify the turning away from God’s law of marriage and the family.

      3. For many American families the home is no longer the "gathering place" of the family. One researcher has characterized the modern home as a "human centrifuge;" another as a "human merry-go-round." There is a constant cry from some well-meaning program that needs our time, our money, or our influence. Even our children have become "junior-joiners." And while each of these intends to serve some good, there remains after a while no rallying point for the family as such. As a matter of hard, cold fact, the price paid for maintaining all these activities is in all too many cases family cohesiveness, without which the family can not be a true family. The cost in family love, closeness and friendship -- effectiveness in those things that a family was designed and intended to provide -- is staggering. We simply cannot overstress the seriousness of the problem of community activities "using up" the physical, emotional and spiritual resources of the marriage and the home. That does not justify the turning away from God’s law of marriage and the family.

The story is told of a real estate agent trying to sell a house to a young woman. She replied to his statement concerning her need of a house with these words:

"A home? Why do I need a home? I was born in a hospital, educated in a college, courted in an automobile, and married in a church building. I get my food at restaurants and delicatessens, and my exercise at a health spa. I spend my mornings at the golf course, my afternoons shopping, and my evenings dining out and at the movies. When I get sick I go to the doctor's office. When I die I will be buried from the undertakers. All I really need is a garage."

      4. The role of the homemaker has been degraded in far too many instances. The statement, "I'm just a housewife" is often offered by wives who do not work in public with an air of apology. The working mother, often with a simple "I work," excuses herself from various obligations and at the same time implies that those wives and mothers who stay home don't work, and are free to do and go as they please. Current thought often expressed today is that "a woman's place may be in the home, but she is wasting her talents and skills if she makes it her lifetime career." Many wives lament the fact that they are forced to stay home because they have no place to leave the children. With the new ideas about upon feminine “rights,” there is little reason to be optimistic about the immediate future. That does not justify the turning away from God’s law of marriage and the family.

      5. The feminizing of the husband seems to continue. Perhaps this is related to the feminist movement generally, perhaps to the many wives and mothers that have gone out into the world and become dominant individuals. The situation where the husband and father stays home with the children while the wife and mother goes out and earns the living is not unusual. The "uni-sex" trend has been promoted by many elements in our society. One no longer is surprised when men are seen pushing grocery baskets in the supermarkets, or washing clothes in the Laundromat. Been invited to a "cook-out" lately? Many times it will be the husband who will do the cooking, with his own recipe of sauces, or relishes or dips. He may also be the one with the special attire featuring the latest styles cooking husbands are using. In any event, the clearly defined role distinctions of past days are not so obvious today.

      6. The family has changed considerably in matters of its control in the last few decades. The practice of democracy has clearly invaded marital and home affairs. The move has been from authority resident as stated in the Scriptures, to control by common agreement on the part of the family -- even among the children. In the family of the past the father was at the controls. But, good or bad, the drift is obviously to control by the consent of the controlled -- "group centered" leadership marriage. There does seem to be a correlation between more wives "bringing home the bacon" and getting their way about matters. It is proverbial that "he who pays the fiddler gets to name the tune." That does not justify the turning away from God’s law of marriage and the family.

      7. Close to and very much akin to the change in control is the change in child emphasis of the modern family. The wish and will of the child is often considered to be necessary to keep peace. This one thing might well distinguish and characterize the last 50 ears in regard to the family, and to some degree may well relate to the influence of the Benjamin Spocks of the world, who won wide acceptance in child-raising circles during the 60's. Interestingly enough, Spock renounced many of his former views, but much damage was done by parents who followed some of his (and other’s) theories about child raising. In all fairness, much of what he spoke and wrote in areas other than discipline has proven to be most helpful to parents in understanding the needs of their children. That does not justify the turning away from God’s law of marriage and the family.

      8. Size of family is considered by family counselors as being a factor in the whole scheme of things. Large families characterized the family of old. Parents felt blessed if the Lord gave several children. Perhaps as a reaction to the feeling of being deprived of material goods (and sometimes loving attention) in their own family of several brothers and sisters, the modern young couple has apparently settled for fewer children. Some have even chosen to have none, and it is an alarming fact that more and more young couples are physically unable to have children. The statistical facts are that, with the advent of the "pill" age the trend is to more family planning and it seems that two children is today the accepted ideal. A few years ago fact finders claimed that the birth rate in the U.S.A. (certainly not in the world) had reached the theoretical point of eventual extinction. The trend currently is to a somewhat larger number of children.

      Generally it has long been believed that large families were beneficial. Assumptions were that they made necessary a sharing of all the functions of the home. The responsibility of definite chores developed strong resourceful persons. Parents were not as inclined to overindulge or over-protect children. This sharing created a common point of interest and made for more normal life. Will these assumptions hold for the modern family? We will address this point as we proceed. But hazards are not altogether absent from the large family. Members of larger families will have fewer possessions in a day inclined toward materialism. An inability on the part of the parents to cope with this may well prove troublesome. However, there are many reasons why children should not have everything they see and desire other than "we just cannot afford it." There is a real danger of equating our overall well-being with affording "things." There is also a real danger in the larger family that the parent will not be alert to the individual talents and skills of each child, and opportunities for personal development will suffer. That does not justify the turning away from God’s law of marriage and the family.

      9. Another change is that longer life is adding to the number of older people in the family. There are at present countless millions of persons 65 years and over in the U.S. The number in this group has quadrupled in the last 50 years, and is increasing rapidly. Older age has set in for many of us. But this does not justify the turning away from God’s law of marriage and the family.

      10. One of the most significant changes of all, and one that simply cannot be ignored, is that of the increased influence of "Madison Avenue" advertising. Manipulating the community through high pressure advertising is a factor to be contended with. Companies spend millions each year appealing to the "pride of life"; and to the satisfaction and gratification of our physical needs. "You only go around once," they say, "and you've got to reach for all the gusto you can get." Millions of Americans have responded by getting so far in debt that there is little hope that they will ever be clear of it. Television especially is a factor to be considered. The social and moral implications upon the mind and emotions of the family are very real. The world's problems and insincerities are channeled into the living room hours at a time and assault the family's senses. The child of today has been well introduced to murder, rape, fraud and corruption. But this does not justify the turning away from God’s law concerning marriage and the home.

      As we get to the end of the list, the Training Of The Child is now recognized as one of our most important needs. Now recognized? This sound trite. To be “NOW” recognized as what God ordained since the beginning. And who did the Lord give this responsibility to? The ones that brought them into the world, or course.

      11. Lastly, nowhere is the deficiency of marriage and the family more strongly addressed than in the study of religion in the home. Old Testament religion was a home religion. So was New Testament religion in the early days. I have taught you "from house to house," said Paul. "The church in thy house," he said of several early day Christians. (See Eph. 6:1-4; Col. 3:20,21; etc.) The New Testament church met in homes before it ever met in church buildings." And, probably today, as it was then, true religion will probably be made real and vital in the homes of the saints before it will be revitalized in their public buildings. Perhaps home and church must revitalize each other. When religious instruction is once more in the home, public worship will have a new glow, preaching a new grip on all life, Bible School will have its rebirth, and a struggling world will have new hope and health.

Conclusion

      The obvious conclusion is that there have been changes, and many of these changes have caused the home to see its strength diminished. The decline in physical, mental and emotional health, and more importantly, spiritual health, afford evidence that no honest person would dare deny.

      On the positive side, there seems to be a day of reconsideration and hopefully, reconstruction. Paul Harvey says that the rebellious youth of the sixty's have become some of the most rigid parents of the eighty's. Concerned citizen's groups are taking the lead and family care programs are on the increase. Religious groups across the nation are taking positive steps to take up the slack in teaching. Courts are beginning to put more teeth in their judgments against delinquent parents. Society generally is beginning to demand more of itself and this is really the most hopeful sign among many.

      As a parting thought, in a day when the popular thing is to ardently oppose anything and anybody who even suggests that communism and socialism would be good for us, or even tolerable, it is ironic to see us use practices that seem to feed this philosophy. No society that will ever honor the home as God intended will ever succumb to communism, or even tolerate it. No nation where boys are taught to honor their father and mother, and love their family, will ever lose many battles defending itself against aggressive nations advocating contrary cultural philosophy.