Here's a Dryer... Now Talk

Janet dropped off the clothes dryer that was in our new house (we brought our old one from the old house) at St. Vincent de Paul in Paducah yesterday and had a pretty good conversation with the Catholics there.  They all go to St. Francis de Sales so you know what it was about.  Let's get one thing straight.  There was a letter read by the associate pastor at the Masses a couple weeks ago.  The letter was apparently from the Bishop McRaith and was attempting to explain Fr. Cash's "reasons" for leaving.  We'd heard about it and what it said last week but Janet had a chance to actually talk about it with some parishioners yesterday.

Folks, if accounts of what we've heard are accurate, the letter was a Work Of Fiction.  Janet said that one of the people at the thrift store said, "You mean the bishop's letter lied?", and before she could answer the other Catholics in the conversation laughed.  Yes, Virginia, evidently the letter was a little inaccurate.

I would love to get a copy of that letter.

Via Off The Record, Rich Leonardi of Cincinnati, Ohio, learned some pretty interesting things at a First Reconciliation Parents' Meeting.  Things like this is why Fr. Cash began his own inquiry program, separate from the one that has the other Catholic parishes combined and was the only one in town.  But the old liberals in power at St. FdS wanted none of that, either.  I wonder if the banners are back up in the sanctuary, yet.

House Update

I was a plumber Monday and an electrician Tuesday.  Got the plumbing all redone for the washing machine.  Finished wiring a circuit for an electric range.  I had the receptacle in the kitchen and the wire ran all the way to the load center.  Tuesday evening I opened the cover to the load center and nearly fainted.  What a mess.  Looked like an explosion in a spaghetti factory.  Some of the bare ground wires were running from one side of the box to the other and positioned about a half inch from the live bus terminals just below the main 200 amp breaker.  More were running below the other breakers about the same distance from the live breaker tabs below (which didn't have rubber covers).  Sheesh.  Spent a few hours relocating wires, cutting off the huge excesses that were just wadded up in the box, tightening loose terminals, and relocated a couple single pole breakers so I could put the big electric range breaker up close to the main.  So now we're cooking with real heat again and we have clean clothes (just in time).  And I believe the house is much less likely to burn down than it was before Tuesday.  Wednesday I took a break and when I got home from work, hopped on Old Yeller and cut the back forty.  Never before have I enjoyed mowing.  Now it's kind of fun.  I fall into a groove and get some serious alpha waves going.  Then I run over a stick and a sound like an Asplundh wood chipper shakes me out of my reverie.  Probably time to grind some blades.  Mmmm.  All right, then.

Posted 9/29/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

The Joy of Moving

Whew.  So much for traveling light.  Filled up one of these last Saturday and still didn't get everything.  We probably have enough left over to pack another one.  Fortunately for us, we don't have to vacate the old place immediately.

We had some great help at both locations and a heartfelt Thank You to everyone who showed up.  I hope y'all aren't as sore and stiff as I am this morning.

One of the many things I particularly like about our new place is that it has no cable (TV).

One of the few things I don't particularly like about our new place is that it has no cable.  Reception is pretty much limited to one KET station.  The computer isn't set up at home yet so before leaving for work I showed Janet how to pull up the NOAA Weather Radio on the scanner.  I have yet to see what kind of dial-up internet connection I can get on our ISP's local number.  We've been with them for many years and they provide excellent service so hopefully the Inman Family Pages will stay right where they are.

Posted 9/26/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

Janet Writes on the St. Francis de Sales Debacle

I guess you could call this a "guest column" since Janet doesn't really write much for the blog.  Actually, she writes plenty but won't let me put it online.  She feels pretty strongly about this, though... ~MWI

When I think of parishes like St. FdS, the proverbial "too many chiefs - not enough Indians" comes to mind.  Everybody wants to be somebody.  Too many Catholics today prefer priests who allow parishes to be run by arrogant, egotistic, selfish, immoral, and devotionless individuals on parish councils.  If you want to bake your own Communion bread, sing silly Protestant praise and worship music, or boogie on the altar in spaghetti straps and blue jeans, you are in luck.  If it's bad entertainment you're after, you won't be disappointed.  Especially at St. Francis de Sales in downtown Paducah.  Just don't expect devotion.  There is none.  And for God's sake, don't look for a priest who teaches his own catechumens.  The rich people won't stand for it.  Don't look for the Tabernacle to be front and center.  "Over my dead body" is what they'll say.  As soon as it's safe they'll pull out their beloved "Risen Christ" processional cross and install their altar girls back to their exalted places.  If you want to be a "Eucharistic Minister" you are in luck.  They use a small army of them at every Mass.  The Mass runs too long if they don't and not enough people get to "participate" if they all don't have a "ministry".  What you won't find is Adoration.  Fr. Cash had the nerve to offer it daily.  Too bad for the multitude of faithful who attended.  Satan and the rich folks didn't like that either so naturally it had to go, too.

Thanks be to God, I'm not directly affected by all this.  My family returned to the Traditional Latin Mass for a reason and this situation only serves to confirm our decision.  I'm still sorry because with Fr. Cash came great hope for the future of St. Francis de Sales Church in Paducah.  Souls will suffer and this is a great loss for everyone.  So be it.  God will not be mocked.  Through the fire Fr. Cash and the Holy Catholic Church will rise victorious.  The demonic element of St. Francis de Sales has been exposed.  More importantly, Fr. Cash's suffering will bear great fruit.  Evil efforts are always thwarted by God's folly.  Satan may have won this battle but the war continues.  We must pray for our bishops and their missing backbones.  When the pocketbooks of influential parishioners have more pull than a holy priest of God, you know you are in trouble.  When bishops don't support their faithful priests and side with liberal parishioners who think they run the church, you know you are in trouble.  Is there any hope for St. Francis de Sales in downtown Paducah?  Not unless someone knows a good exorcist.  Be careful if you send him, though.  They'll be waiting for him in the parking lot and it won't be pretty.

Posted 9/20/2005 by Janet Inman | Link |

Past Caring

A Very Fine Blog Post by Hilary (hat tip: Evil Traditionalist) concerning "why the new is not as good as the old".  She, of course, is referring to the Sacrifice of the Mass.  An excerpt:

We won't go into any details, I have long since lost the patience I required to slog through documents. I know the old is better than the new for the same reason I know Bach is better than Duran Duran and I don't need to defend my position. I am not, furthermore, making an assertion of personal preference; I am saying that the traditional Mass is objectively better than that thing concocted by a committee of Vatican buraucrats, protestants, ecumenists and freemasons and foisted upon an unwilling Church by fiat of a weak and vacillating pope. I have been told that anyone who would refuse to attend the NO, on the grounds that it is invalid or less than a Catholic rite, he would be seen by certain parties in the clergy as suffering such a grave defect that he would be regarded as beyond the pale and unworthy of ministrations. Well, that is something that will have to be faced, because that is precisely what I think the New Rite of the Mass for the Latin Church is: less than Catholic. That is, moreover, the nicest thing I can think to say about it.

And, you know what?  Like Hilary, I don't even want to discuss it:

I would say that a person, once he has been adequately exposed to both the Novus Ordo Missae and the True Mass, who says the new is better than the old, or that he likes it better, is similarly stunted, a person who cannot discern the superiority of Sacher Torte over Jello and mini-marshmallows, who does not know why his betters prefer Shakespeare to Margaret Atwood. Pitiable to be sure but unworthy of a response. I have better things to do than to try to civilize barbarians.

Posted 9/15/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

More House Pics

Part 3:  A Surprise Under Every Register / Hardwood Floor Setback
Part 4:  Upstairs Carpet

Posted 9/15/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

Paducah Catholic Parish Runs Off Faithful Priest

First, if you haven't read the blog entry, "The Chapel Doors", go read it now and come back.

If what we've heard is correct, at St. Francis de Sales Catholic Church in Paducah, a couple of the wealthy families (one owns a local "Catholic" bookstore) and their allies were apparently waging war against Fr. Richard Cash even before he arrived this last June.  It would appear as though the enemies of Christ and His Church who are well entrenched at St. Francis de Sales have won... with a little help from Bishop John McRaith, of course.

The information we have is hearsay but we understand that Fr. Cash either has left or is in the process of leaving St. Francis de Sales after a meeting with the bishop.  One parishioner who protested the actions of the apostate parish "leaders" left the church to find his car window broken.

If any St. Francis parishioners know exactly what is going on, please contact us.  This cannot be allowed to happen without being exposed.

Posted 9/14/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

New House Progress

Carpeting on the second floor is being laid as I type.  A minor setback yesterday with the hardwood on the first floor.  After a couple coats of finish were applied we discovered the poor sanding job.  Ripples throughout the floor.  Rough, unfilled grain in spots.

Oh well.  Bring in the next flooring guy.  This wasn't the first time we've had to intervene during a contracted job and send the guy home.

The floor has to be resanded and refinished.  It'll have to sit for a few days and allow the finish that's on there to harden a bit so it won't gum up the sandpaper too bad.  We already had a moving truck lined up for this weekend and this is going to set us back at least one week.

"Oh, bother," said Pooh as he chambered another round.

We do have a few more pictures.  Some discoveries in the AC ducts - a surprise under nearly every air register!  I just haven't had time to get them on a page yet.  Coming soon.

Posted 9/14/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

Ted Nugent...

...can kiss my freckled Catholic ass.

If this is what those arrogant pseudointellectuals who post there call "upgrade", I'll pass, thank you.

Posted 9/7/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

Another Diocesan Priest "Relieved of Duty"

This time Fr. Ralph Patterson, associate pastor of Holy Name in Henderson.  Ordained in 2003.  From the Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer:

A Roman Catholic priest who had been serving at St. Stephen Cathedral in Owensboro until June has been removed from active ministry after being arrested Aug. 1 during an undercover operation at a public restroom in Newburgh, Ind.

The Rev. Ralph E. Patterson, 47, associate pastor at Holy Name of Jesus Catholic Church in Henderson, was one of eight men arrested last week by undercover officers. A ninth man was arrested Tuesday on a charge of public indecency.

Five of the men, including Patterson, were charged with misdemeanor public indecency. Four other men were charged with battery, meaning they touched the undercover officers in a sexual manner, Warrick County Sheriff Marvin Heilman said. [More]

Really?  Doing what?

Posted 9/7/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

Pictures!

We spent a busy week tearing our carpeting, underlayments, and other demolition, then laying hardwood floorings.  Pictures are posted.  We have the first two parts in the series on the Mugshots page.

Posted 9/06/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

Former Diocese of Owensboro Priest Suspended

From the Stars and Stripes:

A military chaplain in Bamberg, Germany, has been suspended from his duties while the Army looks into allegations that he forced himself sexually on soldiers, a 1st Infantry Division spokesman said Monday.

Military prosecutors preferred charges last week against Capt. Gregory Arflack, 44, a Roman Catholic priest with the Bamberg-based 279th Base Support Battalion, in connection with incidents that took place March 21, 2004, in Doha, Qatar, and July 29 and 30, 2005, in Bamberg, said Maj. Bill Coppernoll.

The accusations include three counts of forcible sodomy, three counts of indecent acts, two counts of fraternization with enlisted soldiers, two counts of disobeying orders, one count of indecent assault, and one count of conduct unbecoming an officer, according to a 1st ID news release.

Coppernoll said Arflack is accused of fraternizing and other rules violations with three male enlisted Marines last spring in Qatar. The Bamberg incidents in July involved alleged acts of forcible sodomy with three male enlisted soldiers, one of whom reported them to his chain of command.  [More]

Update:  A reader emailed and said that a diocesan priest in the military is still considered attached to his home diocese.

Posted 8/31/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

The House in the Woods

Closed on our new house and took possession last Friday.  We knew all along the place had been seriously neglected.  The owner accepted a much lower offer than it was listed for, and it's a good thing...  The only reasons we even made an offer on the place was the twenty wooded acres and the fact that, although much work needs to be done, the house itself is very well built and in good structural condition.  This will be the third house I have renovated and by far the biggest challenge.

I've been in some pretty nasty places and this is up there with the top few.  We spent the last two days pulling out some of the filthiest carpeting I've ever had the misfortune of having to smell.  The stink which was a mixture of aromas but seems to consist predominantly of animal urine was so bad we could barely go in.  Both floors are were completely carpeted except for the kitchen, bathrooms (vinyl), and foyer (ceramic tile).  The underlayment for the carpeting is particle board all downstairs and particle/plywood upstairs.  We cut out and removed a large section of underlayment in one of the upstairs bedrooms that had nasty, smelly stains.  The rest of the upstairs underlayment is in pretty good shape so we're going to leave that and put in new carpeting upstairs.  The downstairs, however, is going to be all hardwood so all that particle board has to come up.  It's slow going.  Whoever installed it was generous with the nails.  Some good felt is in place under it and the subfloor is tongue and groove pine which is in excellent shape, even laid diagonally like it's supposed to be.  The owner mentioned to us about a week before we closed that he was going to clean the carpets.  Hah!  We told him, "Don't bother."  That's been the running joke all weekend...  "He was going to 'clean' these carpets!"

We've got to get the flooring redone before we can actually move in so that's a priority right now.  Everything else can be done after we move.  On the list:

Windows:  Every window in the house, without exception is disgustingly filthy.  Full of spider webs between the inside and storm windows.  Piles of dirt and dead bugs on the sills.  We found an empty eggshell in the kitchen window lying between the inside window and the storm window.  How freaking lazy do you have to be to crack an egg and toss the shell in the windowsill, and to fail to remove it when you discover it later? You can barely even see through the glass.  The storm windows are in terrible shape.  Most of them are just hanging loose and crooked, about half out of the frames.  Some of the adjustable pieces that seal the bottoms are missing.  The central air and heat does not go to the second floor and the window AC units in the upstairs bedrooms are poorly installed.  The sills are pretty much all rotted upstairs from the water running out of the air conditioners.  The filters were so full of dirt they would barely even blow air.  The filter for the central unit downstairs was also packed with dirt.  Looked like it had never been replaced.  Unbelievable.

Interior:  Everything inside is filthy.  Everything.  Everything needs painting.  Everything.  Have I mentioned I hate painting?  We found some of the doors upstairs not even attached to the hinges.  There is trash in the fireplace and in the central air ducts under the vents.  I really don't know how people could have lived in such a pigsty.  "Unbelievable" and "come here and look at this" have been our most used phrases for the past two days.

Electrical:  Mostly in good shape it would seem.  All the electrical outlets are black (the color, not from dirt or shorts) and need to be replaced.  Same with the switches.  All the light fixtures are either butt-ugly or falling apart.

Plumbing:  Nothing too bad here that I've found...  yet.

Kitchen:  Cabinets so nasty you wouldn't want to put your trash in them, much less clean dishes or food.  Those will have to go eventually.  A good cleaning will suffice for now.  Same with the stove and dishwasher.  A real cheesy built-in cabinet in the dining room will have to come out.  That'll be a mess.

Exterior:  Of course the outside of the house has to be painted...  completely.  A lot of wood and some siding probably needs to be replaced.  The roof is in good shape.  The inside ceiling of the porch doesn't look like it's ever been cleaned.  Dirt dauber's nests, spider webs, filth.  Don't know when the yard was last mowed.  Although most of the property is wooded, there is a pretty good sized yard and it'll probably have to be bushhogged before I can even begin keeping it mowed.

Even with all the funk, we love our new house.  It's going to be a nice home when we're done.  I've been taking pictures and we'll get a few posted when I get the chance.  For now, here's a satellite view.  Our land is about the middle of the picture.  The driveway is off the road on the right and the house sits just to the right of the clearing that is almost in the center-right of the picture (you can't see it).  The land extends to TVA property on the left bordering the bay and runs down behind those houses on the left side of the road at the lower right of the picture.

Posted 8/29/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

War Stories

If you are interested in reading some real reporting from Iraq, something different than the daily casualty reports fed by the mainstream media (usually about halfway through the A-block on the network news, I'm fighting an urge to shoot my television), you need to be reading Michael Yon's dispatches from Mosul.  If his latest, Gates of Fire, doesn't make your heart race, nothing will.  He's been posting articles and photos since January and it's some amazing reading.

Posted 8/26/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

He's Australian, Plays a Maton Guitah, Does a Decent Rendition of Classical Gas...

But, no, he's not Tommy Emmanuel!  Matt Zarb is an Australian native who moved to Bardstown, KY, several years ago.  I ran across him playing guitar/mandolin/harmonica and singing in Paducah a few months ago out on Broadway during one of the Saturday night After-Dinner programs.  We talked for a while.  A few weeks later I caught him again playing the same venue (he was in town for another gig and threw this one in while he was here) and this time picked up his cd.

Murray State University's radio station, WKMS, has a Saturday morning show hosted by Mark Welch and Gary Scott called "Music from the Front Porch".  Mark borrowed my cd and played a few of his songs two weeks ago.

I just found out that Matt is coming back to town this weekend (Aug 20-21) and will once again be performing on Broadway in downtown Paducah Saturday night (Aug 20).  If you haven't seen this guy, you need to get on down there and check him out.  You'll also get to hear a little preview of his music this coming Saturday (Aug 20) on the "Front Porch".  Matt is supposed to come up and chat a little with Mark and play a little live music in the studio.  If you like good original acoustic music you'll definitely want to listen in.  The "Front Porch" airs from 10:00 am to 1:00 pm Saturdays on WKMS FM 91.3.

You know, an Australian accent is tough to do.  I keep sounding like I'm from Maine or something.

Posted 8/16/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

The Devil Is In The Details

It's been crazy around the Inman household the past several weeks.  Besides the preparations for closing on our new house we've been catching up on all the little things needing to be done on our current home prior to putting it on the market...

Cleaned out the detached garage (took me two solid days), which over the last thirteen years has become a combination storage facility/woodworking and electronics hobby workshop.  Amazing how much junk one can accumulate in a decade.

The Daughter wanted to have a yard sale so Janet and I donated piles of stuff for that and let her use the proceeds to decorate what will become her new bedroom.

Painted:  one bathroom, one door, two door facings, ceilings, new gutter downspouts, exterior trim (touched up).  Still have some interior trim to touch up and some central air vents to spray.  Have I mentioned I loathe painting?

Scrubbed and cleaned siding on house and garage.

Was going to clean all the windows in the house which involved pulling all the storm windows and cleaning them until Janet talked me out of it.

We still have one valley on the roof that was shingled incorrectly by the lousy excuse for a carpenter who did the rough framing for The Addition.  It doesn't leak but we couldn't sell the place in good conscience until it's done up right so we have a guy lined up for that job.

I need to replace a few drippy water valves under the sink.  Have I mentioned I loathe plumbing?

That's just for the current place.  We'll have to pull carpeting, remove some really cheesy built-in wall unit in the kitchen, and put down new flooring before we can even move in the new place.  And, of course... paint.

Posted 8/12/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

While We're At It...

When a lawyer wants to know where you were ten years ago, five years ago, one year ago, and yesterday, well, you better come up with something.  So, here goes:

Ten Years Ago:
1995?  I was working at a regional hospital as an RVT (Registered Vascular Technologist) which involved the use of ultrasound imaging and other non-invasive techniques in detecting and analyzing clots, blockages, and various other circulatory anomalies.  I believe I was still going to this church at the time.  That was before they built the Vosko designed ski lodge where they currently have Mass.  I was also quite active as a Liturgical Guitarist... Yes.  For many years I contributed to the wholesale destruction of centuries of Catholic hymnody.  If I can say anything in my defense during those years, it would be this:  As liturgical guitarists go, I was a good one.  I had a one-year-old daughter who would go into hysterical laughter every time she was shown a particular Mickey Mouse toy.  This worked very well for family portraits.

Five Years Ago:
Having had my absolute fill of working in healthcare and growing increasingly tired of spending my evenings in an operating room with a vascular surgeon who was apparently trying to win a Nobel Prize and being rousted out of bed several times a week by ER physicians because someone had decided that the pain in their calf that had been there for SIX MONTHS suddenly became an emergency at MIDNIGHT, I changed careers.  After finishing a grueling schedule consisting of two nonstop years of school while working full time, I found myself with an electronic engineering degree working as a broadcast engineer in a local NBC affiliate TV station.  Eventually I realized that no matter how much I loved my job, working in a 79 market television station wasn't going to pay the bills, so I took a job as a "plant electrician" in a steel mill... otherwise known as HELL.

One Year Ago:
No longer working in HELL.  Back in the wonderful, terrible world of television as of 2003.  This time as an engineer for the television department of a major university.  Roughly twice the pay as the NBC affiliate, about the same pay as HELL, I'm not perched 80 feet in the air in 120 degree heat covered in black steel dust repairing an overhead mill crane, and we don't get anywhere near as tense when there is an on-air problem... heh.  As a family, we were about six months past our turning point where we basically retreated into the catacombs to get away from the liberalism and liturgical rot in the Church.  It's not where we would choose to be spiritually but there is nowhere else to go.  Musically:  I was playing my guitars again (not for Mass though, never again) with a vengeance after taking a break for about four or five years and I was very happy about that.  I had gotten rid of a bunch of fairly nice lower-end guitars and replaced them with a few very nice high-end ones.

Yesterday:
I was painting (see above).  It's been quiet at work but the university is about to awaken from its three month slumber, students are due back in a couple weeks, and for another eight months we'll all be once again circling the campus like Yeats' falcon looking for a place to park.  We've lived in the same house for thirteen years (two years before Alison was born) and we are about to embark on a big adventure... moving.  Somewhere we've always dreamed of living; a house on some land out in the woods somewhere.  Although it's kind of scary pulling up roots and relocating, we have definitely been blessed.  No more annoying neighbors, obnoxious yard lights, barking dogs...

For the gates are wide on the other side
Where the fairest flowers bloom
On the right hand... and on the left hand
Fifty miles of elbow room
     ~Norman Blake

Posted 8/12/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

"Keep Manhattan, Just Gimme That Countryside..."

Since we live in one town and I work in another, for the past two years we've been looking for a house closer to where I work.  The gas I'm going through making the daily commute is practically a house payment.  We've looked at countless places and tried the patience of many a realtor.  We looked at one place a few months ago... a home on just under twenty wooded acres about fourteen miles outside of town.  It had some cosmetic issues but looked very sound structurally.  Although it can't be seen from the house, you walk a short hike through a trail in the woods and you come out on the shore of Kentucky Lake.  A good sized section of undeveloped shoreline is part of the property.

We thought the asking price was a little high for the work the house needed so we kept looking.  Eventually we revisited the property and decided that this might be something we didn't want to pass up on.  Well, things happened pretty fast and, to make a long story short... we're moving soon.

It's been a long time dream of mine to have a house out in the woods somewhere.  It looks like we're going to be taking the plunge.  It's very exciting.  Meanwhile, the next several months are going to be very, very busy.  Besides the work to do on the new place, we're getting our current house ready to list.  It's amazing the amount of junk someone can accumulate living in the same place for thirteen years.

It's also been almost twenty-five years since I've lived someplace where I've had to deal with things like wells, propane tanks, and septic tanks, so this here country living is going to be an adjustment, but a welcome one.  Besides the yard, there is one small field that I'll be wanting to keep mowed so I may have an excuse to get a small tractor with a bushhog attachment.  Ha!

I don't think the website will change all that much.  Our current ISP covers the entire area so, as far as internet access goes, our only change will be the number the modem dials.  The honey-do meter just redlined, however, so there may not be much activity on the old Inman Family Pages for a while.

Posted 8/3/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

This is dedicated to a couple of my wife's friends... you know who you are

I have no idea where this originated but it's the funniest email I've received in a long time:

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past few years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern. . .

I no longer drink Starbucks as they don't support our troops.

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogen they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

And I no longer sit down on any restaurant toilet seats because the infamous butt spider could be nesting there and send me to a certain death with one sting.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (Jeeze, the BIBLE didn't mention it works that way!)

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will poop on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your crotch and your arms will be too short to scratch.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin and he's a lawyer.

Posted 7/29/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

The Chapel Doors

First, some history.  The church:  St. Francis de Sales, Paducah KY.  A little over a month ago, after years of liberal priests and anything-goes Masses, a ray of hope shone through the 150 year-old stained glass in the form of the man who was pastor of this church until 2003.  It was an unusual transfer, given the pattern our bishop usually follows, but this faithful priest, after being shuffled around from podunk parish to podunk parish (while the most liberal priests got all the major parishes - it minimized his influence in our very liberal diocese) he finally got what could be considered his "dream assignment"; a big old beautiful church (with a fairly large membership) that hasn't been too defaced by modernist "renovations"  Besides the removal of the original altar rails and the installation of a butt-ugly baptismal font/wading pool complete with a gurgling fountain at the left side of the sanctuary, the worst thing is that the tabernacle has been "relocated" to a separate "chapel" up front to the left of the altar.  Along with a single door entrance from the sanctuary, a set of double doors separates the inside of the chapel from the rest of the church.

Unfortunately, he has a monumental task ahead of him.  The "music people" are well entrenched.  There is a battalion of "Eucharistic ministers" that swarm the sanctuary at almost every Mass who apparently consider it their God-given right to distribute Communion.  Probably worst of all, is the presence of one particular influential wealthy patron of the parish who has made it clear that she disapproves of any of this "pre-Vatican II nonsense" like the use of Latin, traditional hymnody, choir lofts, less than 10 EM's per Mass, etc.  I would guess that her actual "knowledge" of Vatican II consists entirely of what she's been told by diocesan personnel.  "Cruella " and her husband "Walter" are also in pretty tight with the bishop so just about anything the good pastor tries to do by way of returning the church to some semblance of Catholicism will probably be met with fierce resistance.  To make things even more of a challenge, he has an associate pastor assigned to the parish who is what you could consider a mainstream Diocese of Owensboro priest... Vosko, McBrien, Reese, and Greeley all rolled into one with a pinch of Sarducci thrown in for good measure.

I heard from a source close to the priest that even before his transfer he was warned by either the bishop or the Office of Worship, "Don't you dare move the tabernacle."  That probably would have been the first thing.  As it is, the "chapel" doors are now kept wide open so the tabernacle is in full view from most of the pews and the sanctuary lamp is prominently placed at the entrance to the "chapel".

We've heard a few other things here and there that seem to bode well.  This isn't his first time taking over a parish that is liberal to the point of being hostile so he knows what he's doing.

The pastor was out of town this weekend and all last week at a conference in Steubenville.  Yeah, I know, we'll have to work on that... You can take the priest out of Steubenville but it's nigh impossible to take the Steubenville out of the priest.  But, hey, you take what you can get, and in this diocese... he's the best we've got.  Sunday afternoon we went into the Church for our "Latin Mass off-week" Rosary and other prayers and noticed that, in his absence, the chapel doors had been closed.

Now, I don't know why they were closed on this day that the pastor was out of town.  The reason may have been something completely innocent.  I suspect they were purposely closed, however, and as I knelt there in the pew reciting the Rosary I pondered those closed doors and wondered to myself who was responsible for that.

What kind of open hostility to the Blessed Sacrament, the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist, would motivate someone to intentionally close those doors while the pastor who opened them is away?  I don't envy the work this priest has ahead of him.  Not one bit.

Posted 7/25/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

What are they gonna say about him? What are they gonna say? That he was a kind man? That he was a wise man? That he had plans? That he had wisdom?
   ~Dennis Hopper, (Apocalypse Now)

In his job, John travels a lot.  He's only home on weekends.  Concerned with his children's spiritual development, he has written letters to them instructing them on the practice of their faith.  He left the letters with the aunts and uncles to pass along to the children.  Unfortunately, most of the aunts and uncles disagree with the father and only pass a few of the letters on to the children, or maybe reading just some of them to the children, ignoring ones they don't like.  A few of the aunts and uncles have written their own letters which directly contradict what John has written.  As a result, four of the children, while still practicing Catholics, have unknowingly fallen into grave error concerning the teachings of their father.  Two don't believe at all.  Four others have fallen away from their Faith, either no longer attending church or attending a protestant church.  The remaining two, thanks to maybe one or two other family members, have made it a point to find all their father's letters and read them, knowing that the majority of the aunts and uncles are hiding the truth and teaching error to the other kids while claiming fidelity to John's wishes and teachings.  Those two children are grieved at what they see.  They see their other brothers and sisters placing their souls in danger while the aunts and uncles who are responsible for their care either do not see it or willfully choose to ignore it.  They have pleaded with their father to do something about the aunts and uncles.  John, in response, writes more letters to the children.  These letters fill many boxes.  Most of them continue to go unread.  Some are even destroyed by the aunts and uncles.

A few aunts and uncles abuse the children.  Other aunts and uncles know about it but don't tell John.  One does which inspires John to write more letters which go unread.

Eventually John dies.  The community, who has seen John's unceasing charitable work through the years praises the man.  Some aunts and uncles, along with a few children who, either unaware of the unfortunate fate of their siblings or believe the siblings' loss of faith was their own doings, believe that John, because of his charitable work outside the home and the many letters he wrote to his children teaching them the Faith, was a great man.  Others recognize the fact that John helped a lot of needy people but failed to make sure his children were taught well.

The community, focusing on John's charitable work, believes John is a saint.

Is he?

Posted 7/13/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

What Would We Do Without Our Local News

With the remnants of hurricane Dennis lingering around, the wise owls at our local television news outlet have been including safe driving tips for wet weather in the newscasts.  The best tip yet:

• On wet pavement, your tires can lose traction.

This past weekend a boater fell out of his boat and drowned while fishing on the Ohio River.  I'm waiting for the segments on boating safety.  I can see it now...

• If you're wearing a life jacket, you are less likely to drown if you fall out of your boat.

Posted 7/12/2005 by Michael Inman | Link |

They forgot they told us what this old land was for.
Grow two tons the acre, boy, between the stones.
This was no Southfork, it was no Ponderosa.
But it was the place that I called home.
They say they gave me compensation...
   ~Jethro Tull (Farm on the Freeway)

This, folks, is what armed rebellions are made of.

Good commentary from Walter Williams:

The Court's decision helps explain the vicious attacks on any judicial nominees who might use framer-intent to interpret the U.S. Constitution. America's socialists want more control over our lives, property and our pocketbooks. They cannot always get their way in the legislature, and the courts represent their only chance. There is nothing complex about those 12 words the framers wrote to protect us from governmental property confiscation. You need a magician to reach the conclusion reached by the Court's majority. I think the socialist attack on judicial nominees who'd use framer-intent in their interpretation of the Constitution might also explain their attack on our Second Amendment "right of the people to keep and bear Arms." Why? Because when they come to take our property, they don't want to risk buckshot in their butts.

Off The Record wonders what this could mean for tax-free institutions like churches.

This is sweet.  A developer is already trying to use the ruling to sieze the home of one of the Supreme Court judges who supported the decision.

WEARE, New Hampshire (AP) -- A critic of the U.S. Supreme Court's ruling that governments may seize private property for economic development is suggesting the process be used to replace Justice David Souter's New Hampshire home with a hotel.

Looks like the Republicans (and some Democrats, even) in Congress are trying to do a little damage control against the ruling.